By Wael Abdelgawad IslamicSunrays.com
Have you ever felt “thrown away”? Cast aside like trash that is no longer valued or wanted?
It’s not a good feeling, is it?
Sometimes we feel this way when we’ve been rejected by someone we love; or when we are relentlessly criticised by a spouse, parents, family or friends. We can also feel this way when it seems like we’re not living up to society’s expectations.
Feeling this way makes you doubt yourself, makes you wonder if you are a worthwhile human being, if you have anything meaningful to offer, if you are someone worthy of love and praise.
When you feel this way, you might begin to act this way. You stop valuing yourself, and you start behaving as if you are worthless, ugly, invisible, unredeemable. You do things that you know are bad for you, either because you no longer care, or you think no one else cares. Or maybe just to fulfill the negative labels that others have put on you.
I want to tell you something very important: Allah does not make “throw away” people. He does not create waste.
We humans do that. Increasingly in this modern society, we manufacture cheap items that are meant to be used once then thrown away. Disposable razors, diapers, soda bottles, packaging… hospital visitors are given disposable gowns and gloves… Our oceans are filling up with garbage. There is a floating plastic garbage patch in the Pacific that is the size of Texas. It is known as the Pacific Gyre and contains 3.5 million tons of trash.
We human beings do that. We create such waste.
Allah does not do that.
Look around at what Allah has created: the oceans, mountains, clouds and majestic trees; birds and animals from the eagle to the elephant; the stars, sun and moon; the four seasons, each with a special beauty; and a treasure-trove of amazing, healthy foods like olives, mangoes, almonds, oranges…
Allah says in the Quran, Surat Aal-Imran, 3:190-191:
“Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and the earth and the alternation of the night and the day are signs for those of understanding. Who remember Allah while standing or sitting or on their sides and give thought to the creation of the heavens and the earth, [saying], “Our Lord, You did not create this in vain; exalted are You [above such a thing]…”
Allah created nothing in vain. Nothing that He made is disposable or worthless. Every one of His creations is precious and has a profound purpose, from the smallest bacterium to the greatest nebula. Everything is beautiful. Including you.
Allah did not create you to be thrown away. You are not disposable. Whether or not you are ready to admit it, you have a profound purpose in this life. You are priceless, beautiful, unique, redeemable, and worthy of love. Because Allah made you that way.
We must begin valuing ourselves according to how Allah has valued us. Those people who would devalue us, they are not walking in our shoes, living our reality. They’re not responsible for our souls, and we are not responsible for theirs:
“No bearer of a burden can bear the burden of another.” (Quran 6:164; 17:15)
If others are not responsible for us, and cannot bear our burdens, then they have no right to value or devalue us. Allah has given us honor, therefore our honor is with Allah, not with the people. Allah has given us purpose, therefore our purpose is with Allah, not with the people.
Every person has a dignity and value that has been granted by Allah. It is inherent in our makeup and cannot be taken away by anyone. Every person is a gift. Every person is a miracle. Including YOU.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
To My Unmarried Sisters in Islam
An unmarried sister asked for advice as she was depressed at being still single at the age of 29. Here is the reply:
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good”
[al-Nisa’ 4:19]
“and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know”
[al-Baqarah 2:216]
It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: I was riding behind the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) one day and he said: “O boy, I shall teach you some words. Be mindful Allaah and He will take care of you. Be mindful of Allaah and He will protect you. If you ask then ask of Allaah, and if you seek help then seek help from Allaah. Know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you in some way, they would not benefit you except in something that Allaah has decreed for you, and if they were to gather together to harm you in some way, they would not harm you except in something that Allaah has decreed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2516).
You should note that what you have to do is to be content with your situation and realize that what Allaah has chosen for you is the best, and you missing out on something may be a good thing.
Do not let the whispers of the accursed shaytaan affect you and lead you every which way. Rather you should be as our Lord likes you to be, and accept His decree and thank Him for His blessings. Ponder the blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon you, and do not worry. Keep yourself busy with worship of Allaah and make a program for yourself so that you can wake up for Fajr prayer and then read Qur’aan and adkhaar and du’aas. Attend lectures and reminders and Islamic conferences. Through this program you will be able to relax and find peace of mind. Always comfort yourself with the words of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) “How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are good. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and that is good for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience, and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but the believer.” Narrated by Muslim (2999).
Be kind to yourself, and remember that there are millions of women like you who are not married, but many of them may be happier than many of those who are married.
May Allaah open your heart to contentment with His decree and give you peace of mind about your situation, and fill your heart with happiness. You are better off than many others!
Does your sorrow at not being married increase when you see a woman and her husband and children going on a trip? Does this remind you that you are alone and without a husband and children?
Does it make you feel that you have been wronged, or that you are unfortunate, or that you are deprived?
Wait a minute, do not let these negative feelings and frustrations prevail over you and increase your sense of sadness and sorrow.
You have seen only one aspect of this family’s life, but there are many other aspects that you have not seen.
Perhaps if you saw the wife who has a hard-hearted husband who shows no compassion, and you heard her complaints about her continual suffering with him, you would praise Allaah for saving you from marriage.
If you sit with a divorced woman who laments her fate and says that she regrets having married, and you listen to her as she complains about how much she put up with and how much she suffered until she got her divorce, and regained her sense of security, perhaps you will praise Allaah for not having got married and suffered what she has suffered.
If you think about what thousands of wives are suffering and what may others whose marriages ended in divorce have had to put up with, this will reduce many of the feelings of regret that you have because of not being married.
This way of thinking will dispel your feeling of having been hard done by, and will replace those feelings with a beautiful sense of contentment, which will earn you the pleasure of Allaah, as I told you in the previous message.
Remember your friend’s complaints about her husband yelling and being angry all the time, and how you have been saved from that.
Remember your neighbour who left her home weeping after her husband beat her and hurt her.
“I have reached my forties and am not married, and I praise Allaah for everything that He has decreed for me. At first I felt sad and upset whenever I was alone, and I regretted my misfortune every time one of my friends got married. I did not have any conditions or specific characteristics in the man I wanted to marry; I was prepared to accept any righteous man. But years went by without this man coming to me. I began to withdraw from people so that I would not see their looks of pity but I could not escape them completely, because I would see them in the eyes of my parents and siblings who would pray for me every time they saw me. One day at the end of Sha’baan, as we were preparing for the blessed month of Ramadaan, Allaah guided me to keep a Mus-haf just for myself. I decided to read the whole Qur’aan and I found it very difficult to read it because I had stopped reading for the last ten years. I also found it difficult to understand some verses, so I bought a book of Tafseer (commentary) and I started to read it so that I could understand the verses of Qur'aan that I was reading. Ramadaan ended but my attachment to the Book of Allaah did not stop; I carried on reading the verses of Allaah and reading the commentary thereon.
“Then came the day when I read the verse in Soorat al-Kahf (interpretation of the meaning): Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world. But the good righteous deeds that last, are better with your Lord for rewards and better in respect of hope [al-Kahf 18:46]. I wondered, what does the good righteous deeds that last’ mean? I found in the Tafseer that it refers to all righteous deeds.
“I fell in love with righteous deeds such as prayer, fasting, charity, tasbeeh, tahmeed, tahleel and takbeer. Happiness began to fill my heart and I became content. I praised Allaah greatly for guiding me to this path and teaching me these things.”
Sister Umm Yamaan adds:
“But this is not a call for monasticism, rather it is a call to accept the will and decree of Allaah.”
Ghayr Mutazawwajaat walakin Sa’eedaat (Unmarried but Happy) 1/4-7 by Muhammad Rasheed al-‘Uwayd.
But every girl should understand that the purpose of life is to be a true slave of Allaah in both the specific and general senses. If she has the opportunity to establish a Muslim household, then the girl will be worshipping Allaah by getting married and raising children, and raising for us the generation that we want.
But if that does not happen, then the ways of worshipping Allaah in general are many, foremost among which is calling people to Allaah. So she should focus on women who have deviated from the path of Allaah and take them as her daughters and guide them to the straight path of Allaah. “The one who calls people to guidance will have a reward equal to theirs, without it detracting from their reward in the slightest.”
So regard the Muslim community as your home, and be like a beacon of guidance, truth, justice and knowledge, and let us advise one another to adhere to truth and patience. “Surely, Allaah wastes not the reward of the Muhsinoon [those who do good]” [al-Tawbah 9:120].
Ghayr Mutazawwajaat walakin Sa’eedaat (Unmarried but Happy) 1/12 by Muhammad Rasheed al-‘Uwayd.
And Allaah knows best.
SOURCE:
Islam Q&A
Fatwa no. 112172
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good”
[al-Nisa’ 4:19]
“and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know”
[al-Baqarah 2:216]
It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: I was riding behind the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) one day and he said: “O boy, I shall teach you some words. Be mindful Allaah and He will take care of you. Be mindful of Allaah and He will protect you. If you ask then ask of Allaah, and if you seek help then seek help from Allaah. Know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you in some way, they would not benefit you except in something that Allaah has decreed for you, and if they were to gather together to harm you in some way, they would not harm you except in something that Allaah has decreed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2516).
You should note that what you have to do is to be content with your situation and realize that what Allaah has chosen for you is the best, and you missing out on something may be a good thing.
Do not let the whispers of the accursed shaytaan affect you and lead you every which way. Rather you should be as our Lord likes you to be, and accept His decree and thank Him for His blessings. Ponder the blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon you, and do not worry. Keep yourself busy with worship of Allaah and make a program for yourself so that you can wake up for Fajr prayer and then read Qur’aan and adkhaar and du’aas. Attend lectures and reminders and Islamic conferences. Through this program you will be able to relax and find peace of mind. Always comfort yourself with the words of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) “How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are good. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and that is good for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience, and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but the believer.” Narrated by Muslim (2999).
Be kind to yourself, and remember that there are millions of women like you who are not married, but many of them may be happier than many of those who are married.
May Allaah open your heart to contentment with His decree and give you peace of mind about your situation, and fill your heart with happiness. You are better off than many others!
Does your sorrow at not being married increase when you see a woman and her husband and children going on a trip? Does this remind you that you are alone and without a husband and children?
Does it make you feel that you have been wronged, or that you are unfortunate, or that you are deprived?
Wait a minute, do not let these negative feelings and frustrations prevail over you and increase your sense of sadness and sorrow.
You have seen only one aspect of this family’s life, but there are many other aspects that you have not seen.
Perhaps if you saw the wife who has a hard-hearted husband who shows no compassion, and you heard her complaints about her continual suffering with him, you would praise Allaah for saving you from marriage.
If you sit with a divorced woman who laments her fate and says that she regrets having married, and you listen to her as she complains about how much she put up with and how much she suffered until she got her divorce, and regained her sense of security, perhaps you will praise Allaah for not having got married and suffered what she has suffered.
If you think about what thousands of wives are suffering and what may others whose marriages ended in divorce have had to put up with, this will reduce many of the feelings of regret that you have because of not being married.
This way of thinking will dispel your feeling of having been hard done by, and will replace those feelings with a beautiful sense of contentment, which will earn you the pleasure of Allaah, as I told you in the previous message.
Remember your friend’s complaints about her husband yelling and being angry all the time, and how you have been saved from that.
Remember your neighbour who left her home weeping after her husband beat her and hurt her.
“I have reached my forties and am not married, and I praise Allaah for everything that He has decreed for me. At first I felt sad and upset whenever I was alone, and I regretted my misfortune every time one of my friends got married. I did not have any conditions or specific characteristics in the man I wanted to marry; I was prepared to accept any righteous man. But years went by without this man coming to me. I began to withdraw from people so that I would not see their looks of pity but I could not escape them completely, because I would see them in the eyes of my parents and siblings who would pray for me every time they saw me. One day at the end of Sha’baan, as we were preparing for the blessed month of Ramadaan, Allaah guided me to keep a Mus-haf just for myself. I decided to read the whole Qur’aan and I found it very difficult to read it because I had stopped reading for the last ten years. I also found it difficult to understand some verses, so I bought a book of Tafseer (commentary) and I started to read it so that I could understand the verses of Qur'aan that I was reading. Ramadaan ended but my attachment to the Book of Allaah did not stop; I carried on reading the verses of Allaah and reading the commentary thereon.
“Then came the day when I read the verse in Soorat al-Kahf (interpretation of the meaning): Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world. But the good righteous deeds that last, are better with your Lord for rewards and better in respect of hope [al-Kahf 18:46]. I wondered, what does the good righteous deeds that last’ mean? I found in the Tafseer that it refers to all righteous deeds.
“I fell in love with righteous deeds such as prayer, fasting, charity, tasbeeh, tahmeed, tahleel and takbeer. Happiness began to fill my heart and I became content. I praised Allaah greatly for guiding me to this path and teaching me these things.”
Sister Umm Yamaan adds:
“But this is not a call for monasticism, rather it is a call to accept the will and decree of Allaah.”
Ghayr Mutazawwajaat walakin Sa’eedaat (Unmarried but Happy) 1/4-7 by Muhammad Rasheed al-‘Uwayd.
But every girl should understand that the purpose of life is to be a true slave of Allaah in both the specific and general senses. If she has the opportunity to establish a Muslim household, then the girl will be worshipping Allaah by getting married and raising children, and raising for us the generation that we want.
But if that does not happen, then the ways of worshipping Allaah in general are many, foremost among which is calling people to Allaah. So she should focus on women who have deviated from the path of Allaah and take them as her daughters and guide them to the straight path of Allaah. “The one who calls people to guidance will have a reward equal to theirs, without it detracting from their reward in the slightest.”
So regard the Muslim community as your home, and be like a beacon of guidance, truth, justice and knowledge, and let us advise one another to adhere to truth and patience. “Surely, Allaah wastes not the reward of the Muhsinoon [those who do good]” [al-Tawbah 9:120].
Ghayr Mutazawwajaat walakin Sa’eedaat (Unmarried but Happy) 1/12 by Muhammad Rasheed al-‘Uwayd.
And Allaah knows best.
SOURCE:
Islam Q&A
Fatwa no. 112172
Thursday, September 15, 2011
What is the Secret of a Successful Marriage?
❤ RELIGIOSITY IN THE RELATIONSHIP
There are two essential factors to incorporating religiosity in a marriage:
1)Establishing of rituals in the home.
This includes prayer, thikr or remembrance of God, and a constant reference to Islamic values. The second is establishing a sense of belonging to the Muslim community. These are the primary factors to fertilize a spiritual growth for the married couple with which they can create a sense of harmony.
"You have to create a culture of faith in the home, maintaining an overall perception that everything you do is Islamic."
~Dr. Iqbal Unus, headquarters director of the International Institute of Islamic Thought
2) Implementing Islam is one of the key ingredients for a successful marriage
"When we began our married life, we decided that whatever big decision we made in our marriage would be an Islamic decision. Not an Indian decision or a Mexican decision." Hu;maira Basith, married to Edmund Arroyo for more than a decade, emphasized the role of religion in her own intercultural marriage. "We made a distinction between culture and religion," Basith says.
Each couple reflected on their own marriage and came to the ultimate conclusion that marriage and religion are interwoven. Like all other aspects of the Muslim way of life, Islamic values are not entities unto themselves but tied tightly to daily life and even the smallest gestures, according to the couples.
❤ COMMUNICATION IS KEY
Any sociologist or psychiatrist expert will say the key to any successful relationship is developing communication. Marriage is no exception. Knowing how to speak, how to let others speak, and knowing when not to speak are the fundamentals for establishing positive communication with your spouse. Seemingly simple, these basics are often overlooked by married couples. Dr. Altaf Hussain says communication is the top problem among married couples.
Where does the communication begin to fall apart? Arroyo says it all begins with a lack of listening skills by each spouse. "I train couples to learn to listen properly," says Arroyo, founder of Heartspeak Institute, a company that focuses on family and marriage counseling. "You're not trying to find holes in what the person is saying but really listening to try and understand what they're saying, especially about a difficult topic."
Experts agree with Arroyo, listening to others while being devoid of an agenda or motive is essential. Many couples focus on clinging to singular statements or exclamations that will eradicate their responsibility or serve as justification for begrudging the other person. Arroyo explained that this is both unfair and unproductive. Listening wholly with full context is the only way to understand what it is your spouse is trying to communicate.
Acknowledging purpose is another important part of communicating, according to Unus. "Communication has to be very natural and must come from the feeling that you need to connect with this person," he says.
Communication professionals agree that, increasingly among couples, what takes place is negative communication circles. The proprietary form of communication is one person blaming the other or waiting for a reason to angrily express how they feel. This causes the other spouse to become defensive and retaliate reflexively. Conclusively they create a never ending circle of negativity where no one is heard and both are hurt.
The marriage experts believe to avoid these problems and to establish a more harmonious way to express what they're feeling, couples should adhere to the following tips:
1) Make sure the person you're talking to is ready to hear what you're saying
In the heat of the moment, anger overshadows any real absorption of what you're trying to say. Wait until you're both collected and prepared to listen.
2) Don't assume your spouse is a mind reader
One of the most common mistakes couples make is assuming the other automatically knows what they want, need, or expect with- out ever expressing it directly.
3) Stay on track
When you agree to sit and discuss one specific problem, don't use this as an opportunity to dive into other emotional issues or to criticize mistakes of the past. Focus on one problem at a time and with sensitivity.
4) Don't generalize
Once your spouse makes a mistake it does not give you precedence to brand them with that mistake for the entirety of your marriage. Specify what's troubling you in that particular moment and avoid hurtfully pointing out a list of past blunders.
5) Keep talking
Once an issue is resolved and things are alright again doesn't mean conversations should desist. Having a frequent flow of pleasant exchanges can enhance your mutual respect as well as reassure your spouse of your affection towards them.
❤ HANDLING EXPECTATIONS
Two types of expectations can lead to creating a disconnecting and conflicting marriage. In a marriage, according to Magid, couples must contend with hidden as well as external expectations.
"The person has to adapt to the limitations of their spouse," says Magid. "In return, spouses must also exert their maximum effort within their capacity."
He adds, "What brings tension to a marriage is having extreme expectations."
Oftentimes, couples, before marrying, conceal hidden expectations like the husband who expects his wife-to-be to wear hijab after they marry. Or the wife who convinces herself that she will make her husband start praying once they are married. This is a dangerous way of thinking when beginning a marriage, according to Magid.
"You have to develop a 'what you see is what you get,' kind of attitude."
Battling another bout of outside factors that can harm a marriage are external expectations. This is where the issue of handling in-laws presents itself. Arroyo believes there is an important recognition to be sought not only by the spouses themselves, but their older counterparts. "A concept I want everyone to remember is the concept of different versus deficient.
Just because someone does something differently, doesn't mean it's incorrect or deficient."
He further explained that realizing that everyone is an individual with their own way of doing things and developing routines can be different from what the other is accustomed to, but this does not mean their way is inherently wrong.
Aamarah DeCuir, organizer of the ISNA Matrimonial banquets and wife to Imam Magid, has her own methods for making in-laws less of a problem. "The most important thing for me that I've learned about in-laws, is having knowledge. Take the time to learn the manners and etiquette of your in-laws." She explained that knowing more about the family and their customs beforehand can help establish an appreciation for your effort to learn. Speaking to in-laws themselves, DeCuir pointed out that they need to create a leeway for that spouse to make mistakes.
Most couples view their parents as a SWAT team, waiting by the phone for their back-up call. Ready to tear down the door and rush to their child's defense, leaving the spouse outnumbered and defeated. Experts, as well as Magid, agree couples need a new outlook. "If your spouse does something you don't like, don't call your family to complain so they can take your side," Magid says.
Similarly, looking at one's in-laws as some obligatory acquaintance met with groans and plastered smiles is also a mistake. "One of the golden rules of a marriage is to have a relationship with your in-laws independent of your spouse," said Magid. "You have to have the ability to pick up the phone and start a conversation and not because your spouse is sitting there beside you."
SOURCE:
Islamicity.com
http://www.islamicity.com/articles/Articles.asp?ref=IH1109-4859
There are two essential factors to incorporating religiosity in a marriage:
1)Establishing of rituals in the home.
This includes prayer, thikr or remembrance of God, and a constant reference to Islamic values. The second is establishing a sense of belonging to the Muslim community. These are the primary factors to fertilize a spiritual growth for the married couple with which they can create a sense of harmony.
"You have to create a culture of faith in the home, maintaining an overall perception that everything you do is Islamic."
~Dr. Iqbal Unus, headquarters director of the International Institute of Islamic Thought
2) Implementing Islam is one of the key ingredients for a successful marriage
"When we began our married life, we decided that whatever big decision we made in our marriage would be an Islamic decision. Not an Indian decision or a Mexican decision." Hu;maira Basith, married to Edmund Arroyo for more than a decade, emphasized the role of religion in her own intercultural marriage. "We made a distinction between culture and religion," Basith says.
Each couple reflected on their own marriage and came to the ultimate conclusion that marriage and religion are interwoven. Like all other aspects of the Muslim way of life, Islamic values are not entities unto themselves but tied tightly to daily life and even the smallest gestures, according to the couples.
❤ COMMUNICATION IS KEY
Any sociologist or psychiatrist expert will say the key to any successful relationship is developing communication. Marriage is no exception. Knowing how to speak, how to let others speak, and knowing when not to speak are the fundamentals for establishing positive communication with your spouse. Seemingly simple, these basics are often overlooked by married couples. Dr. Altaf Hussain says communication is the top problem among married couples.
Where does the communication begin to fall apart? Arroyo says it all begins with a lack of listening skills by each spouse. "I train couples to learn to listen properly," says Arroyo, founder of Heartspeak Institute, a company that focuses on family and marriage counseling. "You're not trying to find holes in what the person is saying but really listening to try and understand what they're saying, especially about a difficult topic."
Experts agree with Arroyo, listening to others while being devoid of an agenda or motive is essential. Many couples focus on clinging to singular statements or exclamations that will eradicate their responsibility or serve as justification for begrudging the other person. Arroyo explained that this is both unfair and unproductive. Listening wholly with full context is the only way to understand what it is your spouse is trying to communicate.
Acknowledging purpose is another important part of communicating, according to Unus. "Communication has to be very natural and must come from the feeling that you need to connect with this person," he says.
Communication professionals agree that, increasingly among couples, what takes place is negative communication circles. The proprietary form of communication is one person blaming the other or waiting for a reason to angrily express how they feel. This causes the other spouse to become defensive and retaliate reflexively. Conclusively they create a never ending circle of negativity where no one is heard and both are hurt.
The marriage experts believe to avoid these problems and to establish a more harmonious way to express what they're feeling, couples should adhere to the following tips:
1) Make sure the person you're talking to is ready to hear what you're saying
In the heat of the moment, anger overshadows any real absorption of what you're trying to say. Wait until you're both collected and prepared to listen.
2) Don't assume your spouse is a mind reader
One of the most common mistakes couples make is assuming the other automatically knows what they want, need, or expect with- out ever expressing it directly.
3) Stay on track
When you agree to sit and discuss one specific problem, don't use this as an opportunity to dive into other emotional issues or to criticize mistakes of the past. Focus on one problem at a time and with sensitivity.
4) Don't generalize
Once your spouse makes a mistake it does not give you precedence to brand them with that mistake for the entirety of your marriage. Specify what's troubling you in that particular moment and avoid hurtfully pointing out a list of past blunders.
5) Keep talking
Once an issue is resolved and things are alright again doesn't mean conversations should desist. Having a frequent flow of pleasant exchanges can enhance your mutual respect as well as reassure your spouse of your affection towards them.
❤ HANDLING EXPECTATIONS
Two types of expectations can lead to creating a disconnecting and conflicting marriage. In a marriage, according to Magid, couples must contend with hidden as well as external expectations.
"The person has to adapt to the limitations of their spouse," says Magid. "In return, spouses must also exert their maximum effort within their capacity."
He adds, "What brings tension to a marriage is having extreme expectations."
Oftentimes, couples, before marrying, conceal hidden expectations like the husband who expects his wife-to-be to wear hijab after they marry. Or the wife who convinces herself that she will make her husband start praying once they are married. This is a dangerous way of thinking when beginning a marriage, according to Magid.
"You have to develop a 'what you see is what you get,' kind of attitude."
Battling another bout of outside factors that can harm a marriage are external expectations. This is where the issue of handling in-laws presents itself. Arroyo believes there is an important recognition to be sought not only by the spouses themselves, but their older counterparts. "A concept I want everyone to remember is the concept of different versus deficient.
Just because someone does something differently, doesn't mean it's incorrect or deficient."
He further explained that realizing that everyone is an individual with their own way of doing things and developing routines can be different from what the other is accustomed to, but this does not mean their way is inherently wrong.
Aamarah DeCuir, organizer of the ISNA Matrimonial banquets and wife to Imam Magid, has her own methods for making in-laws less of a problem. "The most important thing for me that I've learned about in-laws, is having knowledge. Take the time to learn the manners and etiquette of your in-laws." She explained that knowing more about the family and their customs beforehand can help establish an appreciation for your effort to learn. Speaking to in-laws themselves, DeCuir pointed out that they need to create a leeway for that spouse to make mistakes.
Most couples view their parents as a SWAT team, waiting by the phone for their back-up call. Ready to tear down the door and rush to their child's defense, leaving the spouse outnumbered and defeated. Experts, as well as Magid, agree couples need a new outlook. "If your spouse does something you don't like, don't call your family to complain so they can take your side," Magid says.
Similarly, looking at one's in-laws as some obligatory acquaintance met with groans and plastered smiles is also a mistake. "One of the golden rules of a marriage is to have a relationship with your in-laws independent of your spouse," said Magid. "You have to have the ability to pick up the phone and start a conversation and not because your spouse is sitting there beside you."
SOURCE:
Islamicity.com
http://www.islamicity.com/articles/Articles.asp?ref=IH1109-4859
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining!
1 – Disasters and calamities are a test of the believer’s patience.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, ‘When (will come) the Help of Allaah?’ Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allaah is near!”
[al-Baqarah 2:214]
2 – This is a sign of man's weakness and his need for his Lord, and shows that he cannot succeed unless he realizes his need for his Lord and starts beseeching Him.
3 – Calamities are a means of expiation of sin and raising one's status.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“There is nothing that befalls a believer, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah will record one good deed for him and will remove one bad deed from him.”
Narrated by Muslim
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Trials will continue to befall the believing man and woman, with regard to themselves, their children and their wealth, until they meet Allaah with no sin on them.”
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2399; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 2280.
And it was narrated that Jaabir said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“On the Day of Resurrection, when people who had suffered affliction are given their reward, those who were healthy will wish their skins had been cut to pieces with scissors when they were in the world.”
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2402. See al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, no. 2206.
4 – One of the reasons for calamities is so that people will not feel content only with this world.
If the world were free of calamities, man would love it more and feel content with it, and would forget about the Hereafter. But calamities wake him up from his negligence and make him strive for the place in which there are no calamities or trials.
5 – One of the greatest reasons behind calamities and trials is to warn against falling short in some matters, so that man can make up for the areas in which he has fallen short.
This is like the warning that is issued to an employee or student who is falling short. The purpose behind it is to make him make up for his shortcomings. If he does that, then all well and good, otherwise he deserves to be punished. The evidence for that includes the verse (interpretation of the meaning):
“Verily, We sent (Messengers) to many nations before you (O Muhammad). And We seized them with extreme poverty (or loss in wealth) and loss in health (with calamities) so that they might humble themselves (believe with humility).
When Our Torment reached them, why then did they not humble themselves (believe with humility)? But their hearts became hardened, and Shaytaan (Satan) made fair‑seeming to them that which they used to do”
[al-An’aam 6:42]
Another reason… is as a punishment for those who were previously warned, but did not benefit from the warning and mend their ways, and persisted in their sin. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“…so We destroyed them for their sins …”
[al-Anfaal 8:54]
And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And indeed, We destroyed generations before you when they did wrong, while their Messengers came to them with clear proofs, but they were not such as to believe! Thus do We requite the people who are Mujrimoon”
[Yoonus 10:13]
“And when We decide to destroy a town (population), We (first) send a definite order (to obey Allaah and be righteous) to those among them [or We (first) increase in number those of its population] who lead a life of luxury. Then, they transgress therein, and thus the word (of torment) is justified against it (them). Then We destroy it with complete destruction”
[al-Isra’ 17:16]
Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
“Grief may be accompanied by that for which a person will be rewarded and praised, so it may be good in that sense, not that grief is good in and of itself, such as one who feels sad for falling short in religious matters or for calamities that befall the Muslims. In this case a person will be rewarded for what is in his heart of loving good and hating evil, and so on, but grief in itself, if it leads to failure to do that which is enjoined, namely patience, jihad, seeking benefits and warding off harm, is forbidden, but if the person does not give it up, and it is not recorded as a sin for him then he is fine.”
So the one who wishes that Allaah would change his situation without any effort on his part and that of others like him needs to understand this.
6 – Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Verily, We sent (Messengers) to many nations before you (O Muhammad). And We seized them with extreme poverty (or loss in wealth) and loss in health (with calamities) so that they might humble themselves (believe with humility)”
[al-‘An’aam 6:42]
al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
(This means) We sent (Messengers) to the nations who came before you, and they disbelieved in Our Messengers and rejected Our signs. So We seized them with poverty, sickness, calamities and disasters as a mercy from Us to them, so that they might humble themselves before us and turn to Us at times of hardship.
And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Evil (sins and disobedience to Allaah) has appeared on land and sea because of what the hands of men have earned (by oppression and evil deeds), that He (Allaah) may make them taste a part of that which they have done, in order that they may return (by repenting to Allaah, and begging His Pardon)”
[al-Room 30:41]
al-Sa’di interprets the word fasaad (translated here as “evil”) as referring to the disasters that develop on land and sea, which are making people’s lives difficult and causing a lot of problems with regard to their livelihood and well-being.
And the disasters that befall them themselves, such as diseases, plagues and the like, which happen because of the things their own hands have wrought of evil deeds that can only lead to bad consequences.
This phrase “that He (Allaah) may make them taste a part of that which they have done” means, so that they might know that Allaah is requiting them for their deeds, so He gives them a foretaste of the recompense of their deeds in this world, “in order that they may return (by repenting to Allaah, and begging His Pardon)” i.e., repent from their deeds that have had this bad effect on them, and set their affairs straight.
Glory be to the One Who blesses by means of His punishment, for if He were to make them taste all that they have done, no living creature would be left alive on earth.
7 – Worship at times of hardship and tribulation has a special flavour and a special reward.
It was narrated from Ma’qil ibn Yasaar that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Worshipping at times of tribulation and confusion is like migrating to join me.”
Narrated by Muslim, 2948.
Al-Nawawi said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Worshipping at times of tribulation and confusion is like migrating to join me.’ The reason why worship at such times is of such great virtue is that people become negligent about worship and are distracted from it, and no one focuses on worship except a few.”
Al-Qurtubi said: “Tribulation and great hardship will happen until the matter of religion is taken lightly and people will care about nothing but their worldly affairs and how to earn a living. So worship becomes very important at times of tribulation, as Muslim narrated from Ma’qil ibn Yasaar in the marfoo’ report: ‘Worshipping at times of tribulation and confusion is like migrating to join me.’”
8 – Blessings that come after pain, hardship and calamity are more precious to people.
So then they appreciate the blessings of good health and safety as they should be appreciated.
Another of the benefits of calamity is a reminder of how Allaah has blessed man, because the man who is created with sight – for example – forgets the blessing of sight and does not really appreciate it, but if Allaah tests him with temporary blindness, then restores to him his sight, he will fully understand the value of this blessing. If things are always easy a person may forget this blessing and not be grateful for it, so Allaah takes it away and then restores it, as a reminder to him to be grateful for it.
Calamity may remind the person to whom it happens and others of the blessings of Allaah. So when a person sees one who is insane, he appreciates the blessing of sanity; when he sees one who is sick, he appreciates the blessing of sound health. When he sees a kaafir who is living like cattle, he appreciates the blessing of faith. When he sees an ignorant man he appreciates the blessing of knowledge. Only the one whose heart is open will feel this. Those who have no heart do not give thanks for the blessings of Allaah, rather they are arrogant towards the creation of Allaah.
9 – The benefit of calamity is that it rescues man from negligence and alerts him to his shortcomings in keeping his duty to Allaah, so that he does not think that he is perfect, which would lead to hardening of his heart and negligence.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“When Our Torment reached them, why then did they not humble themselves (believe with humility)? But their hearts became hardened, and Shaytaan (Satan) made fair‑seeming to them that which they used to do”
[al-An’aam 6:43]
10 – One of the benefits of tribulations and hardships is purification.
Hardships reveal how people really are, and distinguish the good from the bad, the true from the false, the believer from the hypocrite. Allaah says of the Battle of Uhud and what happened to the Muslims on that day, explaining part of the wisdom behind this trial (interpretation of the meaning):
“Allaah will not leave the believers in the state in which you are now, until He distinguishes the wicked from the good”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:179]
So the true nature of all things is shown clearly.
11 – When Muslims help those Muslims who have been afflicted by calamity, they will be rewarded for that.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“The likeness of the believers in their mutual love, mercy and compassion is that of the body; when one part of it suffers, the rest of the body joins it in staying awake and suffering fever.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6011; Muslim, 2586.
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 13; Muslim, 45.
12 – At times of hardship and war we see the true meaning of the words of Allaah:
“Help you one another in Al‑Birr and At‑Taqwa (virtue, righteousness and piety)”
[al-Maa'idah 5:2]
SOURCE:
Islamqa, fatwa no. 21631
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, ‘When (will come) the Help of Allaah?’ Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allaah is near!”
[al-Baqarah 2:214]
2 – This is a sign of man's weakness and his need for his Lord, and shows that he cannot succeed unless he realizes his need for his Lord and starts beseeching Him.
3 – Calamities are a means of expiation of sin and raising one's status.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“There is nothing that befalls a believer, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah will record one good deed for him and will remove one bad deed from him.”
Narrated by Muslim
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Trials will continue to befall the believing man and woman, with regard to themselves, their children and their wealth, until they meet Allaah with no sin on them.”
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2399; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 2280.
And it was narrated that Jaabir said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“On the Day of Resurrection, when people who had suffered affliction are given their reward, those who were healthy will wish their skins had been cut to pieces with scissors when they were in the world.”
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2402. See al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, no. 2206.
4 – One of the reasons for calamities is so that people will not feel content only with this world.
If the world were free of calamities, man would love it more and feel content with it, and would forget about the Hereafter. But calamities wake him up from his negligence and make him strive for the place in which there are no calamities or trials.
5 – One of the greatest reasons behind calamities and trials is to warn against falling short in some matters, so that man can make up for the areas in which he has fallen short.
This is like the warning that is issued to an employee or student who is falling short. The purpose behind it is to make him make up for his shortcomings. If he does that, then all well and good, otherwise he deserves to be punished. The evidence for that includes the verse (interpretation of the meaning):
“Verily, We sent (Messengers) to many nations before you (O Muhammad). And We seized them with extreme poverty (or loss in wealth) and loss in health (with calamities) so that they might humble themselves (believe with humility).
When Our Torment reached them, why then did they not humble themselves (believe with humility)? But their hearts became hardened, and Shaytaan (Satan) made fair‑seeming to them that which they used to do”
[al-An’aam 6:42]
Another reason… is as a punishment for those who were previously warned, but did not benefit from the warning and mend their ways, and persisted in their sin. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“…so We destroyed them for their sins …”
[al-Anfaal 8:54]
And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And indeed, We destroyed generations before you when they did wrong, while their Messengers came to them with clear proofs, but they were not such as to believe! Thus do We requite the people who are Mujrimoon”
[Yoonus 10:13]
“And when We decide to destroy a town (population), We (first) send a definite order (to obey Allaah and be righteous) to those among them [or We (first) increase in number those of its population] who lead a life of luxury. Then, they transgress therein, and thus the word (of torment) is justified against it (them). Then We destroy it with complete destruction”
[al-Isra’ 17:16]
Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
“Grief may be accompanied by that for which a person will be rewarded and praised, so it may be good in that sense, not that grief is good in and of itself, such as one who feels sad for falling short in religious matters or for calamities that befall the Muslims. In this case a person will be rewarded for what is in his heart of loving good and hating evil, and so on, but grief in itself, if it leads to failure to do that which is enjoined, namely patience, jihad, seeking benefits and warding off harm, is forbidden, but if the person does not give it up, and it is not recorded as a sin for him then he is fine.”
So the one who wishes that Allaah would change his situation without any effort on his part and that of others like him needs to understand this.
6 – Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Verily, We sent (Messengers) to many nations before you (O Muhammad). And We seized them with extreme poverty (or loss in wealth) and loss in health (with calamities) so that they might humble themselves (believe with humility)”
[al-‘An’aam 6:42]
al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
(This means) We sent (Messengers) to the nations who came before you, and they disbelieved in Our Messengers and rejected Our signs. So We seized them with poverty, sickness, calamities and disasters as a mercy from Us to them, so that they might humble themselves before us and turn to Us at times of hardship.
And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Evil (sins and disobedience to Allaah) has appeared on land and sea because of what the hands of men have earned (by oppression and evil deeds), that He (Allaah) may make them taste a part of that which they have done, in order that they may return (by repenting to Allaah, and begging His Pardon)”
[al-Room 30:41]
al-Sa’di interprets the word fasaad (translated here as “evil”) as referring to the disasters that develop on land and sea, which are making people’s lives difficult and causing a lot of problems with regard to their livelihood and well-being.
And the disasters that befall them themselves, such as diseases, plagues and the like, which happen because of the things their own hands have wrought of evil deeds that can only lead to bad consequences.
This phrase “that He (Allaah) may make them taste a part of that which they have done” means, so that they might know that Allaah is requiting them for their deeds, so He gives them a foretaste of the recompense of their deeds in this world, “in order that they may return (by repenting to Allaah, and begging His Pardon)” i.e., repent from their deeds that have had this bad effect on them, and set their affairs straight.
Glory be to the One Who blesses by means of His punishment, for if He were to make them taste all that they have done, no living creature would be left alive on earth.
7 – Worship at times of hardship and tribulation has a special flavour and a special reward.
It was narrated from Ma’qil ibn Yasaar that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Worshipping at times of tribulation and confusion is like migrating to join me.”
Narrated by Muslim, 2948.
Al-Nawawi said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Worshipping at times of tribulation and confusion is like migrating to join me.’ The reason why worship at such times is of such great virtue is that people become negligent about worship and are distracted from it, and no one focuses on worship except a few.”
Al-Qurtubi said: “Tribulation and great hardship will happen until the matter of religion is taken lightly and people will care about nothing but their worldly affairs and how to earn a living. So worship becomes very important at times of tribulation, as Muslim narrated from Ma’qil ibn Yasaar in the marfoo’ report: ‘Worshipping at times of tribulation and confusion is like migrating to join me.’”
8 – Blessings that come after pain, hardship and calamity are more precious to people.
So then they appreciate the blessings of good health and safety as they should be appreciated.
Another of the benefits of calamity is a reminder of how Allaah has blessed man, because the man who is created with sight – for example – forgets the blessing of sight and does not really appreciate it, but if Allaah tests him with temporary blindness, then restores to him his sight, he will fully understand the value of this blessing. If things are always easy a person may forget this blessing and not be grateful for it, so Allaah takes it away and then restores it, as a reminder to him to be grateful for it.
Calamity may remind the person to whom it happens and others of the blessings of Allaah. So when a person sees one who is insane, he appreciates the blessing of sanity; when he sees one who is sick, he appreciates the blessing of sound health. When he sees a kaafir who is living like cattle, he appreciates the blessing of faith. When he sees an ignorant man he appreciates the blessing of knowledge. Only the one whose heart is open will feel this. Those who have no heart do not give thanks for the blessings of Allaah, rather they are arrogant towards the creation of Allaah.
9 – The benefit of calamity is that it rescues man from negligence and alerts him to his shortcomings in keeping his duty to Allaah, so that he does not think that he is perfect, which would lead to hardening of his heart and negligence.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“When Our Torment reached them, why then did they not humble themselves (believe with humility)? But their hearts became hardened, and Shaytaan (Satan) made fair‑seeming to them that which they used to do”
[al-An’aam 6:43]
10 – One of the benefits of tribulations and hardships is purification.
Hardships reveal how people really are, and distinguish the good from the bad, the true from the false, the believer from the hypocrite. Allaah says of the Battle of Uhud and what happened to the Muslims on that day, explaining part of the wisdom behind this trial (interpretation of the meaning):
“Allaah will not leave the believers in the state in which you are now, until He distinguishes the wicked from the good”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:179]
So the true nature of all things is shown clearly.
11 – When Muslims help those Muslims who have been afflicted by calamity, they will be rewarded for that.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“The likeness of the believers in their mutual love, mercy and compassion is that of the body; when one part of it suffers, the rest of the body joins it in staying awake and suffering fever.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6011; Muslim, 2586.
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 13; Muslim, 45.
12 – At times of hardship and war we see the true meaning of the words of Allaah:
“Help you one another in Al‑Birr and At‑Taqwa (virtue, righteousness and piety)”
[al-Maa'idah 5:2]
SOURCE:
Islamqa, fatwa no. 21631
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Secret To Self-Contentment
The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said:
"Riches does not mean, having a great amount of property, but riches is self-contentment."
(Sahih Bukhari, Book #76, Hadith #453)
Self-contentment is a blessing of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) that He bestows on His servants who are righteous and do good deeds. It’s a blessing because it allows you to enjoy life as it is, and frees your mind for more productive pursuits rather than trying to play ‘catch-up’ with the latest, greatest, smallest, best material thing out there.
But how do you achieve self-contentment?
As mentioned above, it’s a blessing from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala), but also you can try to fight your nafs by practicing these self-contentment exercises:
Whenever you feel dissatisfied with your financial situation or jealous of others, remind yourself of 3 things:
1. Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) has blessed each of us with prescribed sustenance and no one is going to exceed it nor take it away from us no matter how much they try
2. Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) is the most generous so if you need, ask of Him gracefully, humbly, and consistently
3. Life’s too short to worry about what others have or be obsessed about having something that you’ll leave behind anyway – you can’t take your clothes, money, electronics, etc. to your grave.
Work on piling up righteous actions instead of hoarding temporary, insignificant material items.
4. Try to be a traveller, and put your effort towards building your everlasting home in the Hereafter.
Focus on everlasting good deeds which you’ll desperately need in the Hereafter.
SOURCE:
ProductiveMuslim.com
"Riches does not mean, having a great amount of property, but riches is self-contentment."
(Sahih Bukhari, Book #76, Hadith #453)
Self-contentment is a blessing of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) that He bestows on His servants who are righteous and do good deeds. It’s a blessing because it allows you to enjoy life as it is, and frees your mind for more productive pursuits rather than trying to play ‘catch-up’ with the latest, greatest, smallest, best material thing out there.
But how do you achieve self-contentment?
As mentioned above, it’s a blessing from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala), but also you can try to fight your nafs by practicing these self-contentment exercises:
Whenever you feel dissatisfied with your financial situation or jealous of others, remind yourself of 3 things:
1. Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) has blessed each of us with prescribed sustenance and no one is going to exceed it nor take it away from us no matter how much they try
2. Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) is the most generous so if you need, ask of Him gracefully, humbly, and consistently
3. Life’s too short to worry about what others have or be obsessed about having something that you’ll leave behind anyway – you can’t take your clothes, money, electronics, etc. to your grave.
Work on piling up righteous actions instead of hoarding temporary, insignificant material items.
4. Try to be a traveller, and put your effort towards building your everlasting home in the Hereafter.
Focus on everlasting good deeds which you’ll desperately need in the Hereafter.
SOURCE:
ProductiveMuslim.com
Sunday, September 11, 2011
What are your ‘Subhan Allah moments’?
– Muslimmatters
I DON’T know about you, but life can be a real roller coaster. Some days, I wake up and think, “This is going to be a good day, Insha Allah.” The kids are listening without talking back, food tastes particularly good, people seem unusually positive and supportive, time for worship is plentiful and beneficial, life is good. Then, the downward spiral of the roller coaster begins. Suddenly the storm clouds come out and crisis sets in.
Allah challenges the believers in the Qur’an, asking:
Do the people think that they will be left to say, “We believe,” without being put to the test? No, we have tested those before them… (Qur’an, 29:2-3)
Indeed, Allah has decreed for mankind a life of hardships and struggles, tests of one’s true faith and resolve. Each person feels their individual trial as intensely as the next person, and life can sometimes feel overwhelming.
Perhaps the test is in your relationship with your spouse, or with even finding a spouse. Maybe obeying your parents or taking care of them in their old age brings on hardship. Of course there can be problems at work, difficulty in finding work, financial instability, trials with parenthood, academic struggles, health problems; the list of possibilities goes on and on. Sometimes, the trial is long and your patience grows thin. You begin to believe the trial will never end, that this will become your permanent life situation.
It is during these times that one most needs a “Subhan Allah” moment, a remembrance of purpose and a refuge in the beauty of creation.
I wanted to share with you some of my “Subhan Allah” moments. These are moments I return to when I am feeling most distressed that help bring back balance and perspective to my situation. I encourage you to try to slowly read each of the following moments out loud, one by one, allowing each to enter your ears and travel to your heart. Close your eyes after each one and experience the sights, smells, and feelings of each moment until your tongue responds with the Dhikr of Allah.
· Embracing my child as he sits in my lap and softly explores my face with his tiny, roaming fingers.
· Listening to a new Muslim nervously struggling through their Shahadah for the first time in front of the entire mosque.
· Finally pondering a Qur’anic verse I have skimmed over numerous times and understanding it to the extent it brings tears to my eyes.
· Inhaling the wonderfully intense smell of brewing coffee on a cold winter day.
· Passing a grave site and thinking of the possible torture of its inhabitants.
· Feeling the first drops of water roll down my parched throat and fill my belly with cool relief after a long summer day of fasting.
· Reading a Hadith about the Prophet (peace be upon him) that exemplifies the beauty and compassion of Islamic manners, comforting me when I am feeling tested by the outside world.
· Listening to the Imam struggle through his recitation as his voice weighs heavy with tears and fear of the Hellfire.
· Finally getting confirmation of the first day of Ramadan, and anxiously calling my phone tree to spread the good news to friends and family.
· Being humbled by a new Muslim’s sincerity and struggle for the Religion that I take for granted.
· Staring at the dark night sky as a million stars dance around the crescent moon.
· Standing at Arafat during Haj with millions of believers from all over the world, mutually grieving from the fear of the Day of Judgment.
· Realizing the weight and immensity of Allah’s favor upon me when He guided me to the Truth.
The next time we are driven to the brink of insanity from the so-called realities of life, let’s seek refuge in the true realities, and say Subhan Allah!
SOURCE:
Islamic_Group
I DON’T know about you, but life can be a real roller coaster. Some days, I wake up and think, “This is going to be a good day, Insha Allah.” The kids are listening without talking back, food tastes particularly good, people seem unusually positive and supportive, time for worship is plentiful and beneficial, life is good. Then, the downward spiral of the roller coaster begins. Suddenly the storm clouds come out and crisis sets in.
Allah challenges the believers in the Qur’an, asking:
Do the people think that they will be left to say, “We believe,” without being put to the test? No, we have tested those before them… (Qur’an, 29:2-3)
Indeed, Allah has decreed for mankind a life of hardships and struggles, tests of one’s true faith and resolve. Each person feels their individual trial as intensely as the next person, and life can sometimes feel overwhelming.
Perhaps the test is in your relationship with your spouse, or with even finding a spouse. Maybe obeying your parents or taking care of them in their old age brings on hardship. Of course there can be problems at work, difficulty in finding work, financial instability, trials with parenthood, academic struggles, health problems; the list of possibilities goes on and on. Sometimes, the trial is long and your patience grows thin. You begin to believe the trial will never end, that this will become your permanent life situation.
It is during these times that one most needs a “Subhan Allah” moment, a remembrance of purpose and a refuge in the beauty of creation.
I wanted to share with you some of my “Subhan Allah” moments. These are moments I return to when I am feeling most distressed that help bring back balance and perspective to my situation. I encourage you to try to slowly read each of the following moments out loud, one by one, allowing each to enter your ears and travel to your heart. Close your eyes after each one and experience the sights, smells, and feelings of each moment until your tongue responds with the Dhikr of Allah.
· Embracing my child as he sits in my lap and softly explores my face with his tiny, roaming fingers.
· Listening to a new Muslim nervously struggling through their Shahadah for the first time in front of the entire mosque.
· Finally pondering a Qur’anic verse I have skimmed over numerous times and understanding it to the extent it brings tears to my eyes.
· Inhaling the wonderfully intense smell of brewing coffee on a cold winter day.
· Passing a grave site and thinking of the possible torture of its inhabitants.
· Feeling the first drops of water roll down my parched throat and fill my belly with cool relief after a long summer day of fasting.
· Reading a Hadith about the Prophet (peace be upon him) that exemplifies the beauty and compassion of Islamic manners, comforting me when I am feeling tested by the outside world.
· Listening to the Imam struggle through his recitation as his voice weighs heavy with tears and fear of the Hellfire.
· Finally getting confirmation of the first day of Ramadan, and anxiously calling my phone tree to spread the good news to friends and family.
· Being humbled by a new Muslim’s sincerity and struggle for the Religion that I take for granted.
· Staring at the dark night sky as a million stars dance around the crescent moon.
· Standing at Arafat during Haj with millions of believers from all over the world, mutually grieving from the fear of the Day of Judgment.
· Realizing the weight and immensity of Allah’s favor upon me when He guided me to the Truth.
The next time we are driven to the brink of insanity from the so-called realities of life, let’s seek refuge in the true realities, and say Subhan Allah!
SOURCE:
Islamic_Group
Saturday, September 10, 2011
LOVE HER...
Love her …when she sips on your coffee or tea. She only wants to make sure it tastes just right for you.
Love her…when she “pushes” you to pray. She wants to be with you in Jannah (Paradise).
Love her…when she asks you to play with the kids. She did not “make” them on her own.
Love her...when she is jealous. Out of all the men she can have, she chose you
Love her…when she has annoying little habits that drives you nuts. You have them too.
Love her…when her cooking is bad. She tries.
Love her…when she looks dishevelled in the morning. She always grooms herself up again.
Love her…when she asks to help with the kids homework. She only wants you to be part of the home.
Love her...when she asks if she looks fat. Your opinion counts, so tell her she’s beautiful.
Love her…when she looks beautiful. She’s yours so appreciate her.
Love her...when she spends hours to get ready. She only wants to look her best for you.
Love her…when she buys you gifts you don’t like. Smile and tell her it’s what you’ve always wanted.
Love her…when she has developed a bad habit. You have many more and with wisdom and politeness you have all the time to help her change.
Love her…when she cries for absolutely nothing. Don’t ask, tell her its going to be okay
Love her…when she suffers from PMS. Buy chocolate, rub her feet and back and just chat to her (trust me this works!)
Love her…when whatever you do is not pleasing. It happens and will pass
Love her…when she stains your clothes. You needed a new thobe (kurta) anyway
Love her…when she tells you how to drive. She only wants you to be safe.
Love her…when she argues. She only wants to make things right for both
Love her…she is yours. You don’t need any other special reason!!!!
All this forms part of a Woman’s Character. Women are part of your life and should be treated as the Queen.
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) advised concerning the woman:
· Treat the women well.
· The best of you are those who are the best in the treatment of their wives.
· No one honours the woman except an honorable man. And no one humiliates her or holds her in contempt except one who is evil, vile, wicked and depraved.
Don’t wait for that special occasion, take time now to make her feel Special in Every Way!
-E Islam
SOURCE:
Islamic_Group
Love her…when she “pushes” you to pray. She wants to be with you in Jannah (Paradise).
Love her…when she asks you to play with the kids. She did not “make” them on her own.
Love her...when she is jealous. Out of all the men she can have, she chose you
Love her…when she has annoying little habits that drives you nuts. You have them too.
Love her…when her cooking is bad. She tries.
Love her…when she looks dishevelled in the morning. She always grooms herself up again.
Love her…when she asks to help with the kids homework. She only wants you to be part of the home.
Love her...when she asks if she looks fat. Your opinion counts, so tell her she’s beautiful.
Love her…when she looks beautiful. She’s yours so appreciate her.
Love her...when she spends hours to get ready. She only wants to look her best for you.
Love her…when she buys you gifts you don’t like. Smile and tell her it’s what you’ve always wanted.
Love her…when she has developed a bad habit. You have many more and with wisdom and politeness you have all the time to help her change.
Love her…when she cries for absolutely nothing. Don’t ask, tell her its going to be okay
Love her…when she suffers from PMS. Buy chocolate, rub her feet and back and just chat to her (trust me this works!)
Love her…when whatever you do is not pleasing. It happens and will pass
Love her…when she stains your clothes. You needed a new thobe (kurta) anyway
Love her…when she tells you how to drive. She only wants you to be safe.
Love her…when she argues. She only wants to make things right for both
Love her…she is yours. You don’t need any other special reason!!!!
All this forms part of a Woman’s Character. Women are part of your life and should be treated as the Queen.
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) advised concerning the woman:
· Treat the women well.
· The best of you are those who are the best in the treatment of their wives.
· No one honours the woman except an honorable man. And no one humiliates her or holds her in contempt except one who is evil, vile, wicked and depraved.
Don’t wait for that special occasion, take time now to make her feel Special in Every Way!
-E Islam
SOURCE:
Islamic_Group
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