Friday, January 4, 2013

How to encourage children to select good friends?

There is no doubt that the Muslim is influenced by his friend, especially if he loves his friend dearly, because that love makes him turn a blind eye to his friend’s sins and errors, and it may lead him to admire him to such an extent that he begins to imitate him in everything, even the way he walks. This is something that is seen a great deal but no one can deny it.

Allah says: 

“Friends on that Day will be foes one to another except Al-Muttaqoon (the pious)” 
[az-Zukhruf 43:67]

Al-Qurtubi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

“Friends on that Day” i.e., the Day of Resurrection “will be foes one to another” i.e., they will be enemies to one another and will curse one another “except Al-Muttaqoon (the pious)” who will be friends in this world and in the Hereafter.

Help your child make positive choices by teaching him the characteristics of good friends:

-Are kind to animals and younger children.
-Are respectful of others.
-Support you and are happy for you when you win a race, get a good grade, or have some other positive happening in your life.
-Avoid gossiping and are loyal to other friends, even when they are not around.
-Follow school rules and do not try to talk you into breaking rules, lying, cheating, stealing, or other activities that can hurt you or others.


-Model these characteristics yourself and encourage others in the household to follow them as well.

-Look for teachable moments to talk about these concepts with your child. For example, if she shares information about other children in her class who were disciplined for bullying, ask her guiding questions about it. Was anyone hurt? Was the victim very upset? What could a good friend do to help the child feel better? What are some ways you could prevent bullying if another child asked you to help them pick on someone else?

-Have your child talk about people they enjoy being with. Ask them what they like about them. What is it about these people that makes them fun to be with?

-Share and exchange stories about others being good friends.

You can teach these ideas to your child in ways appropriate to her age and developmental level.

 -Are respectful of others.
-Support you and are happy for you when you win a race, get a good grade, or have some other positive happening in your life.
-Avoid gossiping and are loyal to other friends, even when they are not around.
-Follow school rules and do not try to talk you into breaking rules, lying, cheating, stealing, or other activities that can hurt you or others.


-Model these characteristics yourself and encourage others in the household to follow them as well.

-Look for teachable moments to talk about these concepts with your child. For example, if she shares information about other children in her class who were disciplined for bullying, ask her guiding questions about it. Was anyone hurt? Was the victim very upset? What could a good friend do to help the child feel better? What are some ways you could prevent bullying if another child asked you to help them pick on someone else?

-Have your child talk about people they enjoy being with. Ask them what they like about them. What is it about these people that makes them fun to be with?

-Share and exchange stories about others being good friends.


You can teach these ideas to your child in ways appropriate to her age and developmental level.

What the Muslim must do is to keep away from bad companions and choose righteous friends who will guide him towards what is good and help him to obey his Lord, may He be exalted. As the saying goes: tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are.

It was narrated that Abu Moosa al-Ash‘ari (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:

“The likeness of a good companion and a bad companion is that of one who carries musk and one who works the bellows. With the carrier of musk, either he will give you some or you will buy some from him, or you will notice a good smell from him; as for the one who works the bellows, either he will burn your clothes or you will notice a bad smell from him.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1995; Muslim, 2628 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Keeping company with good people is one of the best of deeds that bring one closer to Allah, and is one of the best means of attaining blessing. On the other hand, keeping company with bad people such as disbelievers and those who commit sin openly is not permissible, and is one of the things that lead to a bad end and cause one to adopt their attitudes and deeds. 

What the believer must do is try hard to keep company with good people and avoid keeping company with bad people. It is not permissible to obey parents or others with regard to keeping company with bad people or forsaking good people, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: 

“Obedience is only with regard to that which is right and proper.” And he (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator.”
  Fataawa Islamiyyah, 4/206, 207


SOURCE:
Islamqa, Fatwa no. 114787
About.com :  http://learningdisabilities.about.com/od/socialskills/qt/goodfriends.htm

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